My @Quora answer to What are some of your favorite dos and don’ts when it comes to living with men? http://qr.ae/7ox0Wd
Remember that men and women often communicate for entirely different reasons… and with entirely different body language.
To men, eyes on the person talking and facing them directly means Respect and “I’m paying attention to what you’re saying.” To women that’s often read as agressive or “in your face”.
Women often talk about “problems” in day to day life simply as a way of sorting them emotionally, rather than seeking “solutions.” When guys talk about “problems” they’re usually seeking a fix. It’s helpful to state your purpose in talking. As in “I just need to vent, could you just listen for a bit?”
Guys often have minds like a steel trap… once we get a hold of an idea we can’t catch anything else until we reset the trap.
Don’t “read in” anything we haven’t actually said (or anything we’ve “failed” to say). We’ve been trained by society and business to not infer.
This old trope illustrates that last one perfectly:
On the above… Be careful about “interpreting” body language. Your Guy with crossed arms and legs while you’re trying to talk to him could simply be “I’m absorbed with sorting a problem at ….” where women usually interpret it as “I disagree” or “I don’t like you”. Sometimes his body language has absolutely nothing to do with you… *valley girl chimes in* I know! Crazy, right?!
Yes, we really can think about nothing. We find it peaceful, meditative, and relaxing.
Yes, we really can be “just that dense” emotionally. We’ve been trained into that by all the messages of “Suck it up” “Rub some dirt in it” “Be tough” “Be a man”… that society has fed us since age 5.
Freshening your makeup for a guy, or playing with your hair “at him,” is like asking us to identify a microbe with our naked eye… we just don’t see that level because we’re not trained to notice it. You like him? Treat him like a cute but slightly disabled kid and ask for what you want. “Could we go to coffee, I’m curious about who you are?” Is just fine.
That fresh makeup which to you “should be a signal” that you like him…. Here’s what he sees: Girl took long in bathroom. Afraid she fell in. Glad she’s back in one piece. MMmmmm…. Girl!
Worth restating in the hopes of clarity: The “signals” you use around other women which seem like flashing neon signs to you, look to most guys like a pocket flashlight a mile an a half away… we often won’t even see them, much less recognise them as signals.
Yes, you really do have to “hit him over the head with it.”
Bears repeating: Don’t infer… we, most of us, Really Suck at it, EVEN when we’re in love with you.